I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
