She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
