people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we made out on top of his cat.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
