so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
