I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
