i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
