i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
