I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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