so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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