I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
