Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
