I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Actions speak louder than pants.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's always time for handjobs
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
