it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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