My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
