i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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