dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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