i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
