I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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