"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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