Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
