So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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