did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's official drugs can't kill me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
