i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
