matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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