ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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