Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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