So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
