why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
