First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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