The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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