I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
