woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
