apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
