Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
