Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
