ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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