I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
