i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
