she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
