my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
