I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
