My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
