Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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