Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
