You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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