I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
