okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
