it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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