I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
