he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
